Why can't I buy a Ted teddy bear at the toy store? I realize they
probably can't sell these at Toys R' Us, but maybe Spencer's Gifts
would undergo a business revival if they put this one on the shelves.
Or, just give me an app for that.
Mark "Don't Call Me Marky Mark" Wahlberg stars as John - a 35-year old
employee at a rental car company who doesn't have it all together. For
the past 27 years, he has been best friends with his teddy bear, Ted
(voice by Seth MacFarlane), who came to life due to a Christmas wish.
The two live together with John's girlfriend (who is much too beautiful
and desirable to put up with this junk), Lori (Mila "I wish she had
these low standards in real life" Kunis), as they spend their days
smoking pot and acting like 8-year old boys.
Of course, Lori is getting sick of the juvenile antics, and wants John
to start being a man, so it's time for Ted to move out (and he gets
kicked out faster than Anne Curry)
How will Ted survive in the world all by himself?
Can John sever the bond between them?
Ted promises to be one of the most original,
twisted and outrageous comedies of the year, and succeeds 75% of the
time. Writer/director Seth MacFarlane and the co-writing team find
plenty of moments to go a little deeper, a little meaner and a little
more inappropriate than most ever would dare, which is what you wanted
when you bought a ticket. Isn't it?
The tartness of the dialogue is what makes you laugh harder than you
have at any other movie this year. And, anyone familiar with the
horrific movie Flash Gordon will see the greatest jokes ever
made about Flash Gordon (which was one of my favorite movies as
a kid, but, as I discovered watching it on cable a few years ago, is
full of more sexual innuendos and double entendres than any movie
should ever be allowed, and more than an 8-year old kid should have
been exposed to).
However, Ted loses steam when MacFarlane and the gang decide to
go with a more conventional approach. We get a weird storyline about an
obsessed fan Ted wants to avoid. Then, we see the typical big crisis
that brings everyone together after they all have huge fights that tear
them apart. And, some other dude threatens to come between Lori and
It's time to laugh a little, especially with everyone freaking out
about the health care stuff, so head off to Ted.
Ted is rated R for crude and sexual content,
pervasive language, and some drug use.