Melancholia

I see Lars Von Trier movies to remind me why I hate Lars Von Trier movies. He has his fans, but I honestly can't think of one good thing to say about any one of his movies I have had the unfortunate circumstance to watch. Not even a naked Kirsten Dunst makes Melancholia memorable or interesting.

Dunst stars as Justine - a horribly depressed woman on her wedding day. As she delays the ceremony, we watch her family going at each other's throats and wallowing in battles that must have been waged over many years. However, everything is being done in the shadow of what could be a horrible disaster.

A big blue planet about the size of Earth is making its way through the cosmos in a possible collision course with us. All of the experts and leaders don't want us to panic, and believe the planet will miss Earth, but, this is a Lars Von Trier movie, so you just know doom and gloom is on the way and that rock is going to crash into this rock.

Von Trier was banned from the Cannes Film Festival after making statements that he was a Nazi and he could, "understand Hitler." He should also be banned for making atrocious movies.

Why do so many actors with so many other opportunities and options choose to be part of something like this? Kiefer Sutherland, John Hurt, Charlotte Gainsbourg, Charlotte Rampling, and Stellan Skarsgard all are too skilled and in too much demand to make something as utterly repulsive as Melancholia, when they can be making good movies. It is akin to Blake Lively dumping Ryan Reynolds to start dating me.

Melancholia is over 2 hours of excruciating nothingness that you wish you could escape from by falling asleep or walking out. Luckily, you can walk out. Because of some professional obligation or dedication to my job or sense of responsibility, I had to stay. This is why I hate responsibility.

Maybe there is some sort of metaphor or symbolism I am missing. Maybe there is some sort of artsy message or mastery I do not recognize, but I doubt it. Melancholia is a movie about nothing, with nothing to offer, with nothing to entertain and nothing to make you want to waste your life on it.

The characters do not have compelling, interesting discussions as the world may be coming to an end. These family conflicts are not addressed or explained that much as Von Trier is more content to shock the audience than tell a story or have anything make sense. The audience just has to sit there and wallow in the depression and ugliness for the entire length of the movie, and I can't see why you should.

Melancholia is rated R for some graphic nudity, sexual content and language.