Escape
Plan
Sylvester Stallone stars as Ray Breslin – an expert at escaping
from jail. His firm is paid to have him go undercover as a prisoner, so
he can find security vulnerabilities before any of the inmates can
figure it out for themselves and escape.
Now, the CIA has come to him with an offer he can’t refuse. They
are offering Ray $5 million to be placed in and escape from their new
top secret, maximum security prison for the worst of the worst
criminals. The CIA wants people to be put in this jail and just
disappear (kind of like when you star in a movie with Lindsay Lohan).
Ray’s team is not all that hot on the idea, especially since they
are breaking many of the safety protocols they have in place (yep,
that’s a super subtle bit of foreshadowing there). Of course, it
turns out Ray is in for more than he ever imagined (surprise!) because
he has been double crossed, tossed into this jail to rot for eternity,
and the only person who might be able to help is fellow inmate, Emile
Rottmayer (Arnold Schwarzenegger).
Who intentionally put Ray in this prison and paid to make sure he would
never get out?
Where in the world are they?
Who wrote this script?
Escape Plan has one of the most cockamamie
premises in the history of movies, and it doesn’t get much better
from there. Writers Miles Chapman and Jason Keller provide ridiculous
dialogue that isn’t bad in a funny way. It’s just bad
because, for some reasons unknown to me, we’re supposed to take
this seriously.
Chapman and Keller must of just graduated from the Cliché Class
at Screenwriting University. They give a silly, melodramatic reason Ray
does the job that fails in every way to make you feel one ounce of
sympathy.
Then, a huge twist is completely obvious to almost anyone with a pulse.
It’s so obvious that late in the movie one character even tells
another, “I am surprised you didn’t see that coming,”
and it delivers the biggest laughs of the film. I saw it
instantaneously. You will see it instantaneously. 99% of the audience
with me saw it instantaneously. The other 1% who didn’t were just
late getting to the theater because the popcorn line was moving slow.
Worst of all, Jim Caviezel is horrible as the mockable, stereotypical
B-movie, sadistic, weenie, tiny man villain. Sure, we don’t get
good chemistry between Stallone and Arnold, and the former governor is
camping it up even when he’s not intentionally trying to camp it
up (Stallone is good, which makes it stand out more). However, Caviezel
is stiff, emotionless and forgettable as the warden. Much of this is
because he gets ridiculous, depth free dialogue at every turn, but he
doesn’t bring any magic to it.
Escape Plan needs some welcome cheese and
camp, not this slop.
Escape Plan is rated R for violence and
language throughout.
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